The room feels stagnate, several people sit nervously in chairs someone arranged in a circle. No one talks. There is an occasional cough, shuffle or what I notice most, twisting of feet in and circular pattern revolving around ones little toe. I know this as I don’t dare look up, no, not at their faces. My head is hung low and all I see is the floor and shoes. The tension peeks as the meetings’ moderator walks in and takes his seat, I am still not really listening just watching the feet twist and sway in their individual non rhythmic ways.

 

Suddenly the guy to my left nudges me. Oh my god! It’s my turn! My shaky hand reaches into the pocket of my old gray hooded sweatshirt jacket that I bought for 3 bucks at the Salvation Army Resale shop just up the road. I pull out the red slip of paper that the city unceremoniously left on my front porch. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans covered with homemade patches, only they are not for fashion; they are for warmth and sturdiness. I feel the air as it draws so harshly across my throat and upper bronchia’s, there is no way that air is getting all the way down into my lungs right now. I steady myself and look up. My voice seems distant and fragile

 

“Hi, I am Maria, and I recycle too much.”

 

WHAT THE F*&%??????

Look at this:

The city left me a nasty gram!!!

An Excessive Amount?

 

WELL EXCUSE ME!

EXCUSE ME FOR:

Now it seems to me that the reason for recycling bins and a city wide recycling project is to do just that. Recycle the stuff that people use. Thus keeping it out of our landfills and it even makes the City and the Recycling company some money. Now one of the other things I noticed, is this nasty gram did not appear to be printed on post-consumer recycled card stock! Another thing that ‘just aint right’ here in my little town. If you average out just my street there are there are 15 houses of which on average 8 put out one recycle bin a week that is on average half full (or half empty for your pessimists out there) If I put out 4 to 5 bins on average a week our 2 block street is still not up to the “average 2 bins per house hold’ rule. Am I the only one who noticed that it says “…up to an average of 2…”  even if you cut it down to just my block, we could have up to 18 bins per week. WE ARE AS A BLOCK, STILL WAY UNDER THAT AVERAGE!

How am I to resolve my “Excessive Amount” issue? I ask my self. I could use my old trash cans that I have left over after the city went to bigger self loading carts. Fill them each one with paper and one with plastics and glass; late at night roll them around my neighborhood quietly filling all of my neighbors’ half empty bins. I could use all my green bins and just spread them out over the street in front of everyone else’s house so the guy has to stop more frequently – wouldn’t this waist more gas??? I could adopt an elephant from some circus who needs a good home and train him to step on the stuff piled in my bins thus creating more space, however this would not work for glass products as they don’t like them broken and it would be cruel in inhuman for my new pet. It could pile up over weeks and when I am low, I could add it… ah that will not happen. I could let it pile up and then roll it down to the steps of city hall…

Well this is just the start of a letter that will go to the city Mayor, my council woman, the paper, and tv channels to see if there is not something that can be done about it. However I am aware that I can not be so irate when I write them as I can here on a blog. So until then it is back to my meeting to be talk about what a bad person I must be for recycling.

Now to continue our meeting of RA (Recyclers Anonymous)

The 12 Steps

     * Step 1 - I admitted I am powerless over my addiction of trying to save the planet via recycling

    * Step 2 –I have came to believe that a greater Power (AKA: the man) will resist me at every step of filling my green bins

    * Step 3 – I have made a decision to turn our excess recycling to the garbage man, however I will most likely just spread it out into my neighbors empty bins.

    * Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our glass and plastics

    * Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs = I am a liberal, tree huggin’, hippy

    * Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character = but really hope he will see is way to removing the defects from the character of those who stand in our recycling way, as we are sure he wants us to have a clean and green planet to live and breathe on.

    * Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings, so that we will stop being angry at ‘the man’ who gets in our way of saving  landfill space

    * Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all   === I apologies to the poor recycle pick up guy who must spend and extra 90 seconds in front of my house each week.

    * Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others  = I will leave him cookies – oh but then he would leave me another nasty gram as they are not on the official list of recyclable goods.

    * Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it == Wrong? Me? Hun, well I guess I need to work on this step

    * Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out --- well let us see: God=Nature; Nature=God; God=Man – this man says pick up the G(*D(*# recycling! There that should do it.

    * Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs = so I write this blog to reach out and help others like me who have taken this sign to heart, and perhaps a bit overboard in practice.

We all drank plenty of organic green tea and smoked hookahs and left to go our separate ways knowing we are not perfect and will continue to be working on our recycling addictions for the rest of our lives.

Nowhere and Everywhere, all at once. Now, I sit on my couch thinking about the last week, month, year; it is almost 2008 so these types of thoughts are near at mind. So much in my life has changed, yet everything seems stable. Support of friends and family is strong. My business is overflowing, travel and speaking engagements fill my calendar. It is on these trips that I get to really examine the question of just who is 'my tribe'. I find them everywhere, it seems as if there may only be one everyplace I travel but yet there is one. I might share a drink, or Zaadz with them, or better yet a lengthy conversation.  Some places I find myself I feel very uncomfortable, some challenge my fears, or dislikes. Some places feel like home, some feel like a distant universe. Almost all of them are filled with love and friendly faces. By my nature I tend to watch a lot at home as well as at travel. I am the one in the airport walking constantly taking in all that I can view; sitting at the end of the hotel bar watching the patrons mill in and out. Usually, I guess I feel like I am on the outside looking in, and that must therefore be where I most belong.